WWPD: Moving house, moving bones

 Illustration: Steve Handley

Illustration: Steve Handley

Dear Pippa, 
My problem concerns logistics. I understand we are moving house.
I have 24 bones buried in the backyard. How can I move them discretely? Based on past experience, my humans are unlikely to cooperate. 
Trevor, Labra-something, Yorkshire

Hi Trevor, 
I’m sorry to hear of your impending upheaval. While I have never hid a bone in a garden (perhaps because we don’t have a garden), I suggest two strategies: 

  1. The stealth move: dig them out one by one when no one is looking and hide them in items that will move with you, such as furniture (for example under sofa cushions) or in boots. 
  2. The honest move: give up on your treasures and tell your humans to make bonesicles in the new fridge – simply store bones in the freezer, which turns them into delicious treats for the summer. 

Most importantly, Trevor, kick up a huge fuss during the move. Go full on ‘traumatic upheaval’ to guarantee the freezer will always be stocked with your favourites. Guilt is a wonderful human trait, and this is your time to press that button.