New breed: the Shoreditch Longhair

New breed: the Shoreditch Longhair

Illustration: Deni Cherneva

Illustration: Deni Cherneva

Wunderdog exclusively reveals new breed ahead of official recognition

The most popular of the New Media family, the Shoreditch Longhair (carne quinoa) is a friendly, highly social breed. Created as an antidote following several dangerous incidents with poorly trained City watchdogs, he has short, 140-character bouts of energy and may show disruptive behaviour when in a pack. 

While the Shoreditch Longhair walks calmly and seemingly unphased by his environment, he never forgets a follower. He prefers living in converted industrial spaces and parks with adjacent artisan bakery, and is less confident in hedgerows than with hedge funds. The bark of some over-bred dogs is reported to sound like a nervous, high-pitched “hack”. Retraining aids to its natural, middle-class “woof” are available at Waitrose.

Despite his rugged appearance, the Shoreditch Longhair requires extensive grooming. The dog may be prone to seasonal food intolerances, such as non-organic produce, refined sugar, gluten, wheat or dairy. This, however, does not mean he will pass any food found on any street, including highly salted meats and whimsically mixed cereal. He will also gladly chew Stan Smiths to keep owners on their toes and avoid stylistic complacency. These contradictions, combined with his velvety ears, make the Shoreditch Longhair an endearing and entertaining companion for the whole incubator space. NM

Similar breeds: German Appenpinscher, Californian UniCoonhound, Brooklyn Beanie Cheweenie

 
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